Push the reset button.

Can't sleep. I'm sure the exhaustion I actually feel will kick in in about 20 min...In the meantime, I thought I'd write. I'm feeling slightly anxious right now. As happy as I am about graduation, the typical melancholia is setting in. Being a student was such a big part of my identity for the last eight years of my life. And even though I am set on going to grad school within in the next 2 years, I am flipping out over the various huge question marks that are currently lingering over my head. Where should I apply? What writing sample should I include? What if I do awful on my GRE's? What professors should I seek advice from? What if I'm not good enough? What if I don't get any to any of the programs I apply to? Augh. I know I just have to reset my goals list again and take it one step at a time. Right now, I just feel like I'm at point A. I'm hating the thought of working at PB full-time. My resume right now is totally unimpressive and needs major polishing and updating. I'd also like to get back my writing. I need to compile the books I want to read over the summer. I need to get back into a healthy workout routine. I need to do so much!

This to do list is growing...Also, my exhaustion has kicked in.

Embrace it.

This morning, I was looking through an old journal of mine from 2003. I had just begun to discover my passion for writing and was already at work with my first "novel." I think I wrote about fifteen pages until I realized my idea was completely ridiculous and I myself, was not interested in the subject matter. Now I've got a story I'm actually excited about and looking forward to working on (and maybe even finishing) this summer. As I get ready to graduate tomorrow, I'm still not having doubts about every decision I made up until this point. I'm glad I switched my major a gazillion times. I can't imagine going into any other field and feeling satisfied. I enjoy creating characters and worlds filled with emotions far too much. I'm going to embrace the self-doubt and self-loathing that comes with being an aspiring writer. It's my dream. I am living my dream.

Adios Orange County?

Last night, Mark and I saw an article on Huffington Post regarding the ten best/worst cities to live in post-graduation. Coincidentally enough, Austin, Texas showed up on the best list. Not surprisingly, Los Angeles was on the worst. Ever since John mentioned how the Austin's been flourishing to Mark and I discovered it's home to a top MFA Creative Writing program, I've been curious. With Mark's graduation this weekend and mine approaching rather quickly, I feel my head spinning with excitement, fear and motivation. Aside from my family and few close friends, there's nothing really holding me back here in Orange County. I'm dying for a change of pace and scenery. And, the thought of not having to pay over a thousand dollars for a measly one bedroom apartment in Orange County is kind of...refreshing. I just keep looking at pictures and reading about the city and I ask myself, "Why not?" I mean, Mark's already made a big move once. And, what better person to have a new adventure with than your best friend? I feel those Austin city lights calling...

It's as simple as a dog with funny teeth.

On days like today when life feels unnecessarily complicated, I look at this picture and find myself instantly smiling. I can't remember how I ever stumbled across it or why, but I'm extremely grateful to the person who took it. :-) . Sure, it may seem nutty to some, but I'm glad I have that silly (and dorky) sense of humor.